I know you’re in a last-minute panic about making something to wear to a holiday party. (Or maybe you’re not, because, like me, your office party is a lunchtime pop-and-chip potluck and your husband’s company is too cheap to allow spouses to their holiday party. Woop woop.) But if you are, Woman’s Day magazine’s December 1977 issue (55¢) has the answer: sparkling party tents!

In fact, you can make these with no sewing skills whatsoever. Just cut giant rectangles, fasten them around you randomly with small ties, and violà — instant party dress. Check out the line drawings of the patterns below!

I think if you’re looking for a pattern for a “tunic”, and you find one with a line drawing that is literally a square, you might just want to keep looking.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for a one-off party dress that can double as a trash bag for collecting empty bottles and cigarette butts at the end of the night, this could be the one.

THANK YOU Woman’s Day for this awesome laugh. I mean, just look at that guy in the bottom picture above. He honestly doesn’t care that this woman is dressed in a sparkling sack…he is ready to PARTY and he’s got the rose-coloured glasses and bow tie to prove it.

Lest you’re worried about how to accessorize these lovely garments, the same issue provides directions for making this lovely necklace — OUT OF PAPER CLIPS. “Paper clips are glued solid and strung on braided satin cord…”  I am screaming laughing.

Also thanks to my lovely neighbour who was chucking a whole stack of these old magazines and let me take them. Gold mine of memories of ads and products from my childhood.